Us Versus the Problem: A Leadership Approach to Conflict Resolution

Like cables on a bridge, reframing conflict transforms opposing forces into robust, stable structures.

Conflict is inevitable when working with diverse teams, where each member brings unique perspectives, priorities, and ways of solving problems. The existence of conflict itself isn’t the real problem, though; the real issue lies in how teams and leaders handle conflict. All too often, conflict digresses into a divisive, counterproductive dynamic where the prevailing sentiment becomes "you versus me." This oppositional mindset isn’t just damaging to relationships; it’s also a surefire way to derail progress and productivity.

To combat internal conflict and opposition, effective leaders shift the paradigm. They reframe the "you versus me" dynamic as "us versus the problem." This approach transforms disagreements into opportunities for collaboration, innovation, and team growth. The focus here is on providing the tools, questions, and conditions that allow the team to define and navigate their path to resolution.

By following the steps below, you too can cultivate this mindset and lead your team through challenges with clarity and purpose.

1. Start with Empathy

Before diving into solutions, create space for understanding the perspectives involved. Empathy is your strongest ally in helping team members set aside emotional and prideful reactions in favor of objective challenges. When a disagreement arises, ask yourself:

• What concerns or fears might be driving each person’s stance?

• What values or goals do they feel are at stake?

• How can I help them feel heard without imposing my perspective?

Empathy doesn’t require you to agree with every viewpoint, but it shows respect and builds trust. By modeling this approach, you help the team see each other’s humanity and focus on the issue rather than the individual.

2. Pivot to Common Ground

When tensions rise, one of the quickest ways to defuse conflict is to pivot to something that all parties can emphatically agree on. This common ground might be a shared goal, a mutually acknowledged fact, or even a simple acknowledgment of the problem’s complexity.

For example:

• "We all want this project to succeed. Let’s start there."

• "We agree that the current process isn’t working—can we explore why?"

• "We both see the timeline as critical. How can we build around that?"

By anchoring the discussion in agreement, you shift the focus from opposing viewpoints to shared interests. From there, the team can work their way back to a solution that everyone can own.

3. Frame the Problem with Questions

Rather than defining the problem for the team, guide them to identify it collectively. Ask open-ended questions that encourage exploration and clarity:

• What do you see as the main challenge here?

• How does this impact our goals or the broader team?

• What might be causing this issue?

By framing the discussion with questions rather than imperatives, you create space for the team to take ownership of both the problem and the solution. The key is to gently steer the conversation along a constructive vector without explicitly dictating the path.

4. Create Conditions for Objective Problem-Solving

Conflict often becomes entrenched because it’s tied to personal or emotional stakes. To break that cycle, encourage the team to focus on objective challenges instead. These challenges (e.g. facts, metrics, or external constraints) become the "problem" in "us versus the problem."

For instance, instead of debating whose idea is better, shift the conversation to criteria for success:

• "What metrics will tell us we’re on the right track?"

• "What constraints do we need to address before moving forward?"

• "What does success look like for everyone involved?"

This depersonalized approach helps the team collaborate on solutions without getting bogged down in ego or blame.

5. Empower the Team to Build Solutions

Once you've projected empathy, pivoted to common ground, framed the problem with questions, and cultivated conditions for objective problem solving, it's time for the most challenging and important step of the process: empowing the team to create their own solution.

As a leader, you may have more experience or see a clear path to an optimal solution for a given problem. However, simply dictating a solution and declaring it correct can be deeply harmful to the team’s efficacy. Such a unilateral declaration undermines the team's trust and self-confidence while simultaneously stifling constructive communication. When time and resources allow, you should focus on allowing the team to iterate toward an effective resolution on their own.

Consider the following scenario involving two members of your team, Bob and Alice. Bob submits a pull request, and Alice requests changes to a specific section of the code in this pull request. Bob disagrees, believing the changes are unnecessary. Could you, as the team lead, simply "make a call," declaring the changes will take place? Of course you could. However, this does not empower the team. So, instead of stepping in to mediate directly, you take a step back and empower Alice to navigate the discussion constructively.

You encourage Alice to frame her concerns around objective challenges by asking questions like:

• "Does this current implementation meet the agreed-upon success criteria?"

• "Are there potential risks or scalability concerns with this approach?"

• "What metrics or tests could demonstrate whether the changes are necessary?"

Alice, equipped with these prompts, engages Bob in a way that keeps the conversation focused on solving the problem rather than defending his personal opinions. This shifts the dynamic from opposition to collaboration...from "Bob versus Alice" to "Bob & Alice versus the problem." Bob might then counter with evidence supporting his original implementation or suggest adjustments based on Alice’s input. Alice comes back with agreements and potential refinements...the process itself quickly becomes a collaborative effort, where both parties contribute to a solution they can jointly own.

Even if the final resolution isn’t the exact solution you might have envisioned as a leader, the team gains something far more valuable: trust in one another, strengthened problem-solving skills, and confidence in their ability to resolve conflicts independently. These qualities will serve the team long after the current issue is resolved.

6. Reflect and Iterate Together

Resolution isn’t the end of the journey. After the team has implemented their solution, create space for reflection:

• What did we learn from this process?

• What worked well, and what could we improve?

• How can we apply these lessons to future challenges?

This practice reinforces the "us versus the problem" mindset and strengthens the team’s ability to tackle future conflicts independently. It also signals that growth and learning are valued more than assigning blame or focusing solely on outcomes.

Final Thoughts

Leadership isn’t about providing all the answers or always being the one out front. It’s about recognizing what the team needs—whether that’s guidance, clarity, or stepping up in critical moments—and ensuring that they feel equipped, inspired, and supported. True leadership is rooted in servitude: balancing care for the team with a focus on achieving results. By focusing on empathy, shared goals, and thoughtful guidance, you can help your team turn even the toughest disagreements into opportunities for growth and collaboration.

Together, as allies against the problem, a team well-led can face any challenge.